One Year of Germany is the Wurst
Germany is the Wurst No. 23
Germany is the Wurst is one year old! Funnily enough, not only do I have a one-year old newsletter, but I also have a one-year old child. I started this project as a creative outlet during my maternity leave, because, for some reason, I thought being employed and taking care of two kids wasn’t enough work to begin with. Even so, my goal was, and still is, to publish a newsletter every two weeks based on my sometimes humorous, always 100% accurate according to me, thoughts and observations about living in Germany. For the math whizzes among us, I am aware that fifty-two divided by two does not equal twenty-three. Did I already mention that I have a day job and two kids?
To celebrate one year of Germany is the Wurst, I want to share my top five favorite newsletters that I’ve published so far. These newsletters are not necessarily the most liked or the most read posts in circulation; however, they are the top five newsletters I had the most fun writing and still get a chuckle out of when I read them. Furthermore, I want to thank everyone who reads my newsletters. Even though I am fairly certain about 75% of my subscribers know me personally, I am always happy when my newsletter strikes a chord with someone new or offers a relatable topic to others living abroad, or who have spent time in Germany, or Germans who like to laugh at themselves.
So, without further ado, here are my top five favorite newsletters from the past year of Germany is the Wurst:
The Great Winterreifen Conspiracy (Germany is the Wurst No. 1)
It all started on this day last year, November 14, with the general ridiculousness of Winterreifen.
“To me it seems like a conspiracy theory a bit silly to buy two sets of tires, have them changed twice a year and stored at a car dealership (or in your garage, like us, where we keep everything except our car, but don’t tell our insurance company that) in a city where we barely get a dusting of snow each winter. As someone who grew up in rural north central Wisconsin, I have seen and driven in my fair share of snow, and snowstorms, during the months of October through May. Never once did I hear of anyone getting Winterreifen; putting chains on tires, yes, but not completely changing out their tires for the winter months. My knowledge of tires may be minimal and extends to getting my tires rotated at Fleet Farm, but in my humble opinion, having Winterreifen is as the second most unnecessary thing Germans do in the winter besides taking Umckaloabo. If you are not already following healthcare advice from Jan Böhmermann and his team of writers, I suggest you do so immediately.”
Let’s Talk Politics: U.S.-German Political Doppelgängers (Germany is the Wurst No. 22)
This particular topic might have actually been one of my least read newsletters. Maybe I sent the newsletter out at a weird time, maybe my jokes were bad, or maybe Donald Trump killed the mood. Nevertheless, I enjoyed getting creative, thinking up political comparisons, and researching similarities between U.S. and German politicians.
What do you mean “let’s talk politics?” Everyone knows politics is economics, stupid. Unfortunately, I know little about economics and ipso facto little about politics; however, due to the U.S. Presidential Election today, which has garnered worldwide attention for being a shit show highly contested political battle, I got to thinking about the similarities and differences between politicians and political campaigns in the United States and Germany (don’t worry, I didn’t make a Venn diagram à la Kamala Harris). For example, German politicians are generally more well-behaved than their American counterparts and their political campaigns tend to focus on posters with their pictures on them and very succinct campaign slogans. American politicians, on the other hand, merely have “concepts of a plan” and mainly revolve around their political opponent’s shortcomings, creating a politics of resentment instead of enlightenment. Although, I will give creativity points to whoever came up with the “Cats for Trump” posters I saw when I was in Wisconsin last month.
Trick, Treat, or Trip to the Ausländerbehörde (Germany is the Wurst No. 21)
Decorating my house for Halloween this year was another creative process that I plan only to expand upon next year. Equally as much fun was thinking up examples of what I consider to be truly frightening about living in Germany.
“Even though Halloween is my favorite holiday, I have to admit that I’m a pretty big scaredy-cat. Nevertheless, as part of the Halloween spirit, I got to thinking about what I consider to be really, truly horrifying about living in Germany. There are quite a few spine-chilling examples, like older couples wearing matching Jack Wolfskin jackets, Schlagerboom (except, of course, when David Hasselhof is a guest), and restaurants that accept only cash. The items on the list I’ve put together, however, scare me so much that they send me hightailing it back to my bed to hide underneath the covers (cue thunder clapping and lightening striking over an old haunted house).”
The Alternative German Citizenship Test (Germany is the Wurst No. 6)
My offer to the Bundesamt für Migration und Flüchtlinge (BAMF) still stands; please feel free to use any and/or all of my alternative citizenship test questions for the “real” Einbürgerungstest.
“After publicly declaring two weeks ago that I would apply for German citizenship, I started to do my homework as to what that would entail, exactly. Not only did I leave my contact information with the appropriate authorities who have yet to get back to me, but in an effort to prepare for the required citizenship test, I took a look at some of the sample questions. Although the Bundesamt für Migration und Flüchtlinge (BAMF) has put together a helpful catalog of over 300 practice questions under the three test topics "Leben in der Demokratie," "Geschichte und Verantwortung" and "Mensch und Gesellschaft,” I noticed that the citizenship test is missing key aspects of general knowledge about life in Germany. Sure, it is important to know the difference between the Bundesrat and the Bundestag and what Meinungsfreiheit means and why it is part of the German Grundgesetz. But what about crucial German cultural items and practices like bread, recycling and the autobahn?”
Bonus Newsletter: If you are interested in checking your answers to my Alternative German Citizenship Test, then simply read Germany is the Wurst No. 7, Germany’s Next Top Citizen.
Spaghettieis: Germany’s Ice Cream Obsession You’ve Never Heard Of (Germany is the Wurst No. 14)
Really, what kind of world did we live in before mass AI? Well to begin with, I never would have been able to generate images of traditional German foods as ice cream, a trend which I am still patiently waiting to catch on, much like my alternative citizenship test.
“Anyways, back in the 1960s, when the wall was up and a large number of Italian workers were living in Germany due to the country’s post-World War II economic boom, an Italian ice cream shop owner by the name of Dario Fontanella first created Spaghettieis in Mannheim, inspired by the dessert mount blanc (sweetened chestnut puree formed like vermicelli noodles and topped with whipped cream). As Fontanella recalls, his first attempt at creating Spaghettieis with Italian flag colors was rather unimpressive, but after he used vanilla ice cream with strawberry sauce and white chocolate shavings that resembled grated parmesan, his ice cream creation looked so much like actual spaghetti that children were brought to tears because they were (understandably) under the impression that they would be served ice cream and not a plate of noodles.”
Thank you, again, to everyone reading this. I hope you enjoyed our little stroll down newsletter memory lane. Here is to many more years of Germany is the Wurst!
Congratulations on the one year! I resonate with the having kids and day job while writing a newsletter. Are we crazy? Yes we are :)
Congratulations on one year!! 👏🏻