Rechts vor Links

Germany is the Wurst No. 18

A while back, I reached a minor milestone of living abroad: trading in my U.S. driving licence for a German Führerschein.

According to the German Federal Ministry for Digital and Transport, if you are a normal resident of Germany and hold a foreign driving licence, you can legally drive in Germany for six months. After this time period, the German government provides you with the following options:

• A) deal with German bureaucracy and pay a little money to exchange your foreign driving licence for a German one,

• B) no longer hold a valid driving licence in Germany, or

• C) deal with German bureaucracy and pay a lot of money to go to driving school in Germany and take a German driving test.

I was fortunate enough to go with option A. For reasons I will never fully understand, my Wisconsin driving licence was deemed as one of the U.S. states sufficient enough in theory (sorry, Florida) to simply apply for and receive a German Führerschein. All of this was to the bemusement of my then boyfriend, now husband, who described, in detail, the number of hours of theoretical preparation and driving practice he underwent, plus the thousands of Euros his driving course cost. My driver education course, in comparison, was part of my high school curriculum and basically amounted to if you see a deer, don’t swerve or break, just hit it.

Swapping my U.S. driving licence for a German one and hitting the open Straße, assumes, not incorrectly, that I would know something about German traffic laws. This is a country where elementary schoolers take bicycle traffic safety exams. In my defense, I understand basic traffic laws like no turning right on red and no passing on the right on the Autobahn.

But, please for the love of God, can we talk about Rechts vor Links?

Rechts vor Links is a German traffic law where the person coming from the right side has the right of way and the person on the left has to yield. While this is a good idea in theory, I would venture to guess that most drivers only observe this rule about 50% of the time. Personally, I can attest to the fact that I frequently cut people off without meaning to and have been cut off a few times myself.

Take the road to my house, for example: it’s a main road with little side streets, but there are no stop signs. And I, coming down the main road, am legally required to yield to some rando pulling out of a side street. Putting up some simple stop signs would surely make everyone’s life a little easier. And, if speeding is a concern, Rechts vor Links is not the only way to keep people from going 50 in a 30 kmh zone, due to the fact that they constantly have to slow down to see if anyone is coming from the right side. Instead, might I suggest installing some of the those Stasi-looking speed cameras along the street? A few mugshot letters speeding tickets later and bada bing, bada boom, people will be obeying the speed limit without having to yield to the right.

My personal inconsistency in observing this traffic law got me to thinking about other aspects in which Rechts vor Links could be incorporated into daily German life.

1. At the grocery store

If you were ever wondering just how impatient Germans really are, simply watch them go grocery shopping. After years of scrutinizing their grocery shopping habits, I’ve reached the conclusion that Germans have zero chill, especially when it comes to long lines and paying for their food at the grocery store. For example, if there is only one cash register open, with a long line behind it, Germans will look up at the ceiling, curse the situation “Ach, was ist hier wieder los” (What’s going on here?) and devise a plan of action: if they have fewer grocery items than the person in front of them, they will ask if they can go ahead of them, or, ask the cashier if they will open another line, resulting in a mad dash to the newly opened cash register. Why not establish Rechts vor Links in these types of situations? Instead of passively complaining about having to wait in line for a total of three minutes, Germans can actively call each other out, “Entschuldigung, Sie haben mir die Vorfahrt genommen!” (Excuse me, you ignored my right of way!)

2. In politics

I usually steer clear of politics, but I would be amiss not to make a political joke here, especially since there are parts of Germany where Rechts vor Links seems to be the general political consensus. Alternatively, the new political party Sahra Wagenknecht Alliance (BSW) (also, who names a political party after themselves?) is so far out on the political spectrum that it is basically just populism, but make it links.

3. At public swimming pools

Another place where one can observe the inefficiency and impatience of Germans is at a public swimming pool, preferably an outdoor swimming pool on a hot summer day. For a country that stereotypically so highly values Ordnung, public swimming pools can be described none other than chaotic disasters. I’ve seen my fair share of public swimming pools, from Berlin to Bad Homburg, and instating a Rechts vor Links swimming policy (besides circle swimming in the lap lanes) would help keep the swimming chaos at bay and maybe even add a little efficiency to the line for Pommes.

Now, as I am officially on vacation and due to board an airplane in T-6 hours, I will leave everyone with the little party tune of “Links Rechts” from Snollebollekes. Might I suggest Alle spring'n von links nach rechts und dann wieder zurück as the new boarding policy for Lufthansa?