In Spargel We Trust

Germany is the Wurst No. 12

Every spring it never fails to take me by surprise how much earlier certain fruits and vegetables are available here in Germany in comparison to back home. For example, as a kid, picking strawberries was something we did around the 4^th of July; in Germany, we usually go strawberry picking in May. Rhubarb is harvested here over Easter, whereas in Wisconsin, depending on when Easter falls, there is a good chance that there is still snow on the ground.

There is however, one spring vegetable that I was not aware of before moving to Germany that Germans go absolutely bonkers for. I’m talking about Spargel.

To most of us in North America, asparagus, or Spargel, is green and usually eaten as a topping on a flatbread or as an ingredient in a salad or stir fry. In Germany, asparagus is white and part of a seasonal cult that puts all Germans in an asparagus-trance from April until June when they can’t stop and won’t stop eating anything but Spargel.

Restaurants and cafes will most likely offer an extra Spargelkarte and there are a plethora of roadside and sidewalk stands from which to buy fresh, white asparagus. This stuff is so important, that during the COVID-19 pandemic, the German government allowed thousands of laborers from countries like Romania to enter Germany and harvest asparagus, despite already closing its country boarders and simultaneously placing restrictions on other industries. Horst Seehofer, the Minister of the Interior at the time, and someone who looks like he himself eats a lot of Spargel, knew that even a global pandemic could not contain Spargelzeit.

Personally, I find Spargel to be really unappetizing. Starting with its flaccid phallic shape to making urine smell horrible, it doesn’t matter how much hollandaise sauce or butter you smother over bitter, watery stalks of asparagus, it’s just not for me.

That said, I do, however, have a few ideas of how to share the mass appeal of Spargel in Germany with the rest of the world.

1. Adopt the Frischer Spargel sign as the unofficial flag of Germany.

Every Spargel stands seems to have this sign, which is surprisingly uniform throughout Germany. All that is missing from this picture is Direkt vom Bauern. Just imagine soccer fans waving a white flag with the red Frischer Spargel letters on it during this year’s European Soccer Championship. Or the Olympic athletes from Germany holding this flag over their heads when they win a medal in Paris. Now that would be showing some national pride.

Saisonal, Regional… Egal.

2. Make a viral rap song about Spargel.

You’ve probably heard the viral rap song about a lady named Barbara and her rhubarb pie. But what about Spargel? I can only assume the reason we don’t already have a Spargel anthem is because there are zero German names that rhyme with Spargel. A quick internet search led me to some Spargel songs, but none of them are as catchy as Barbara’s Rhabarberbar.

3. Declare a national Spargeltag

As I mentioned in my previous newsletter, there were a lot of public holidays in May this year, but not all public holidays are created equal. Some public holidays are only recognized depending on what state you live in; for example, Bavaria recognizes a total of 13 public holidays per year (surprise, surprise), while the rest of Germany generally recognizes 10-12 public holidays per year. Spargeltag could be thrown into the mix of public holidays in May, preferably on a Thursday, so that Friday could be taken as a Brückentag.

Whether you love it or hate it, Spargelzeit is here.